Craigslist Cheapskate: (Buying a two-seater couch worth $49) How old is this couch? The cushions look worn out. The paint looks worn out. I can give you $20 for it.
Me: (In my mind) If it’s so old and worn out, then what kind of loser are you to even want it?
Me: (In reality) Sorry. The couch has been sold.
Gumtree Cheapskate: (Buying a bookshelf worth $49) Hi. I really love the shelf, but I checked transport and found out that it will cost $50, which is more than the cost of the bookshelf. I don’t want to insult you, but only way it will work out is if you can sell it to me for… $10?
Me: (In my mind) You don’t want to insult me? Honey, you just did!
Me: (In reality) *DELETES EMAIL*
The penny-pinchers weren’t just virtual; we got real live specimens at our garage sale, too. Now I’m no stranger to garage sales. We’ve moved a lot so we’ve always had them; a couple of years ago ACS did a really successful one in QC where nearly everything was wiped out.
When you see a crowd made up of maids, tricycle drivers, market vendors with five kids hanging on to their skirt at your sale, you expect to give away things for dirt cheap. What really irks me is that these cheapskates who showed up at our garage sale drive, were dressed well, wore gold watches and branded bags. And I’m supposed to believe these people can’t afford a frigging Swarovski crystal figurine marked down to $5?
Cheapskate # 1: (Picks up a crystal figurine marked $5) This one got no tail ah.
Marlon: It’s a bear. Bears don’t have tails.
Cheapskate: No. I think should have tail.
Cheapskate: I think you broke tail. I give you $1.
Marlon: One dollar! Are you kidding?
Cheapskate: Made in China what.
Sold! To the man who failed zoology for $3!
Cheapskate # 2: (Picks up an unused H&M shoulder bag) How much is this bag? I buy it for my daughter, she just started her internship.
Me: It’s $19.
Cheapskate: Wah! $19 too expensive.
Me: It’s unused.
Cheapskate: You buy bag outside got cheaper one. I give you $10.
Me: You can’t buy a bag that looks like that for $10.
Cheapskate: Can what. You go OG, they got bag for $10.
Marlon: Okay, go OG then!
Unsold! Nek-nek mo, ni wala ngang H&M sa Singapore noh!
Cheapskate # 3: (Picks up an unused digital photo frame, still in the box, marked $29) Wah, so small ah. Seven inch only. I want bigger one. I give you $10.
Marlon: You can’t get this small one for $10. How will you get a bigger one for $10?
Cheapskate: Got no stand ah.
Marlon: It’s in the box.
Cheapskate: This one used ah.
Marlon: It’s still in the box.
Cheapskate: My friend say pay $10 only.
Sold! To save sanity and brain cells, a bargain price of $15!
At may pahabol pa yan.
Cheapskate: (Picks up luggage lock, which is not for sale, off the kitchen counter) I buy your frame, you give me this padlock free.
Marlon: What? No!
Sigh. I didn’t want my last memory of Singaporeans as a people to be these penny-pinching vultures. I think I need to go eat some black pepper crab now so Singapore and I can part on warm and fuzzy terms!